Free will

Got into one more loop - I am a strong believer in God though not in rituals and rites associated with worship. What does freewill mean to me?

I am torn in two directions - when I think that everything is predetermined and I am only a tool in the hands of God why am I investing so much effort and trying to change aspects of me and my life - does free will exist for believers in God????????????????????????????

Relationships

'No one is perfect', 'Kutram parkil sutram illai'

Cycle of relationships - Get close to someone, know more about them, honeymoon period , know some more, disenchantment - then comes the million dollar question to withdraw or to pursue

When an issue disenchants a relationship with one individual how come we accept another person and ignore the issue with them ?

What is the unique factor with each relationship that makes us forgive, forget with one and break off from the other?

Stationery Items/Office supplies .....

These two words are obsession for me. I hoard them, give them away, use them, see them, feel them, smell them (yes .. smell!!!).... the list is endless.

I have tried to figure out why and how and when this passion started, no answers till now.

Venus pencils (bottle green, hexagonal pencil with black stripes), in a carton is my first memory. My father got these for me from Thirumalai Stores in T Nagar. This shop used to be close to Nalli. I checked for these pencils two weeks ago and they are 14Rs each. I asked myself as to why did my father buy these for me. I know that he was very proud of my handwriting.

Then came the pen days - camlin pens - these had a transparent part just below the place where the cap ends. You could check how much ink was in the pen through this. It is so funny that my cousin and I, will get these from my mother and immediately - dont be shocked - press the nib on a hard surface and make the nibs get crooked. Since both of us had taken a fancy for a particular kind of handwriting, the deformed nib could only produce the best form. If it is a blue pen, my cousin will smear manja podi/vermillion on the pen and produce a dirty green color - I used to be thrilled with it.

Then came Hero pens. Dark maroon and black were my favorites. These nibs were small and a much smaller part of it will only be visible. These wrote really well, smooth flow .... they had a gold cap.

These days my passion is with paper mate, schwann, Bic etc. I do look at monte blanc, cross etc, but these dont give the same high as the plastic pens. Dont know why.

It is a ritual everyday to choose a pen to bring to work and by the end of the day give it away to someone who says it's a nice pen and then I buy some more. I am not sure if I buy to give or give to buy more.

Inclusive Education

NDTV's show had Bharka Dutt holding a discussion on inclusive education.

Latha Vaidyanthan from Modern School Delhi spoke about the readiness of these schools to take children with impairment of any kind.

My mother taught in a government aided school and she had two children who had hearing and speech impairment in her class and her colleague had one girl who was spastic.

One of my classmates was totally blind and the other was a polio afflicted child who could not walk. These were ordinary schools with nothing fancy to cater to the special needs of these children. Teachers and the headmistress used their hearts and not their heads while dealing with us and therefore never thought of 'readiness' and use that as an excuse to deprive some section of the population, their right to education.

Tell me something - in India , how many homes have special toilets, how many places have ramps and dont people with impairment manage. It is an appalling state of affairs that we dont have facilities to cater to special needs and we need to change it , but the reality is that people manage.

Wont kids and parents be happy that a school is catering to the educational needs and find a work around for other needs? In the process of making every thing ideal, we tend to lose time and several children get impacted.

If we use our heart and not head we can make things happen like the headmistress and the teachers of a government aided school did and continue to do that .

Schooling in India

Elitist - A small group of powerful people (Webster's definition).

This is how a lot of schools these days describe themselves in India. NDTV showed a mother's tales of woes while she tried for admisssion into schools for her 3 year old child. One of the schools apparently asked the child to identify the names of cars !!!!!!!!!!

After all these gruelling process once you get the child into school, be prepared for the weeding process - if you think I am referring to the garden in the school - you are mistaken. Children who are borderline performers, who are mischievous, playful etc will be asked to leave under a number of pretexts - most common among them being cultural incompatability, child not being able to cope with the stress of studying, disrupting class activities and impacting other children, or with a veiled threat I can give a TC for misconduct etc. If you dig into specifics, one will be amused since incidents these schools quote would be so trivial and definitely not life threatening to either the child in question or to anyone in the environment :)-

If a parent is lucky the weeding will happen in class 7 or it can happen in class 9. If the child is from class 9, God help the parents and child. No other school will touch this kid and the future is more or less sealed for the kid. Rich and famous parents will find alternatives and middle class parents will either drive the kid to killing herself/himself or if they are lucky, will find some institution that will take the child in for a vocational course or something else.

Then comes the nightmare of board exams - dont want to get into the gory details of this totally ineffective and inefficient process that destroys hapless parents and children alike.

One needs to be an elite or kids need to act like mini adults from the age of 2 to complete the tortorous process of schooling.

Where are the teachers and schools that could take everything that a child does as a process of growing and dealt with humaneness and sense of humor. I remember my friend giving a nick name to my teacher and the teacher laughing with us for the name given to her. In today's world it will result in instant dismissal of the child from school.

The entire system appears to be a conspiracy to end childhood at the earliest. The sooner childhood ends it is better for the person and the parents - sadly that is the reality.

Wish I could do something to let childhood exist for everyone for however long they wish for it to be so.

Kids letters to God

Dear GOD,I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.Love,Chris

Dear GOD,We read in school that Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday School they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.Sincerely,Donna

Dear GOD,I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.Nan

Dear GOD,Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.Larry

Dear GOD,I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.Ruth M.

Dear GOD,It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.Your friend(But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?Jane

Dear GOD,Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!Darla

Dear GOD,Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.Bruce

Dear GOD,Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now?Jane

Dear GOD,Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?Norma

Dear GOD,Who draws the lines around the countries?Nan

Dear GOD,Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?Lucy

Dear GOD,Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?Love, Anita

Dear GOD,I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?Neil

Dear GOD,If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set.Raphael

Dear GOD,My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail.Ha ha.Danny

Dear GOD,Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.Tom L.

Dear GOD,Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.Joyce

Dear GOD,What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.Jane


Dear GOD,I was thinkin that maybe you can make a mail service in heaven so we can write letters to some people up there or they can send us pictures of what heaven looks like and stuff like that.Caleigh

Dear GOD,Are you happy and healthy with all the people up there with you?Jacob

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Giving and Receiving

Art of giving -

My friend's most painful memory is having gone to a rotary club gathering and collecting her scholarship and books in front of a group of people.

After many many years she shared this with tears - "I was in college and in the evening I had to go to this five star hotel to collect my scholarship. When I reached there, I was made to wait for the chief guest and the rest of the gathering was busy drinking whatever they choose to. When the chief guest came there were photographs taken and then they called me to hand over the books and the cheque and everyone clapped (when she said this she was choking). One member had the decency to ask me which college I was from, did I like the subject and also asked if I wanted to eat something, the rest of them behaved as if I did not exist. I still want to run away from the scene".

She does rub shoulders with the rotary club members these days but the pain has not eased.

I feel we are dehumanizing the person when we call them for a meeting and give away stuff in front of a large gathering. It could be the domestic help who has to collect her goodies in front of guests who come to visit us during festivals.

Karna is supposed to have "given" even with his left hand. When someone asked if it was not impolite, he said the mind is ever changing and in the process of transferring (money for ex) from one hand to another, your mind will ask you questions like should you give all of it, should you give it now, should it be for this person and your plans will change.

So give as soon as someone asks for something.

Can we learn from this story of Karna and what my friend suffers and be sensitive to the nuances of giving and the feelings of the receiver.

Focus, goal , direction

"Is your life run by compass or a clock", "Focus on the larger picture and don't expend your energy on short term goals", "Do you know what where you are going ?" These words of wisdom, (!!) scream at us from self help books, godmen, business tycoons, gurus etc.

In life there are two things that are definite, life and death. Once we are born, one of these deed is done and nothing can change that.

The the other one left is death. So in essence - death is the direction all of us are moving towards on a second, to minute, to day, to year basis.

Ironically though the end is obvious, we invest and expend our reserves on life, which is over the minute we came to earth. Isn't this a paradox that we constantly spend our energy on a futile battle to extend our lives, make believe (maya) that things are permanent, atleast semi permanent, leave an indelible mark, appearance, clothes, wealth, sensory pleasures etc etc and get caught in the web of life.

Maybe like a child who gets distracted by a chocolate before a shot is given by the doctor, life distracts us with all of this before life gives us the shot - death.

The focus could very well be on dissociating from earthly wants and pleasures, petty squabbles, enemity, illness etc. so that when the inevitable goal (the one we did not set for us, but is there in an unchangeable way) "death" is reached, it is easy for us to surrender ourselves to this goal with total comfort.

Musical torture or torturous music

Never thought that the two words music and torture will be uttered or written together.

Read in abc news that at abu ghraib they play loud eminem rap music and that prisoners find this tortorous and they confess.

Can't understand whether the torture is rap music, loudness, or the words in eminem song Anyways I knew music had healing powers, now I know it had other powers too - like drawing a confession

A piece of cloth

This is from ramyanags.blogspot.com with her explicit permission in her comments section for anyone who wishes to republish the post.

Thanks Ramya. Wanted to be an "anil" in Anshu and your efforts.

மதம், மொழி, கலாசாரம்,பொருளாதாரம் போன்ற விஷயங்கள் ஒரு பெண்ணின் வெளித் தோற்றம், உடை, அலங்காரம் போன்றவைகளை வேண்டுமானால் மாற்றலாம். இவை எல்லாவற்றையும் தாண்டி ஒவ்வோரு மாதமும் ஒவ்வோரு பெண்ணுக்கும் தேவையானது ஒன்று இருக்கிறது. நான்கு அல்லது ஐந்து நாட்களுக்கு தேவைப்படும் இந்தப் பொருளுக்கு விலை கொஞ்சம் அதிகம் தான். அது தான் ஸானிடரி நாப்கின். இதை ஒரு பெரிய விஷயமாக நம்மில் பலர் நினைக்க மாட்டோம். இதைப் பற்றி பேசுவதற்கு ஒன்றும் இல்லை என்று தான் நானும் நினைத்துக் கொண்டிருந்தேன், கூஞ்ச் என்ற அமைப்பின் தலைவர் அன்ஷு குப்தாவின் பேச்சை கேட்கும் வரை. என் நண்பர்களோடு சேர்ந்து நான் சிங்கையில் நடத்தும் NRI Singapore என்ற ஒரு சிறு அமைப்பின் அழைப்பை ஏற்று பிப்ரவரி மாதம் அன்ஷு சிங்கைக்கு வந்தார். நாங்கள் அவர் அமைப்பின் ஸ்கூல்-டு-ஸ்கூல் திட்டத்திற்கு பண உதவி செய்து கொண்டிருக்கிறோம். ('என் முந்தைய பதிவில் அதை பற்றி எழுதியிருக்கிறேன்) அத்திட்டத்தின் செயல்பாடுகள் பற்றி பேசுவார் என்று நினைத்தேன். "Every woman needs a clean piece of cloth for five days every month" என்று தன் பேச்சை ஆரம்பித்தவர், சமீபத்தில் கிராமங்களுக்கு சென்று, பெண்களோடு பேசி அவர் தெரிந்து கொண்டதை பகிர்ந்து கொண்டார். சாப்பாட்டுக்கே கஷ்டபடும் மக்கள் ஒரு பாக்கெட் ரூ.60 என்ற விலையில் விற்கும் ஒரு பொருளை நினைத்து பார்க்க முடியுமா? 'சரி, பழைய துணிகள், பஞ்சு?' என்று கேட்கலாம். 'இரண்டே புடவைகள் இருக்கும் வீடுகளில் மாதா மாதம் சுத்தமான துணி கிடைப்பது கூட குதிரைக் கொம்பு தான்' என்கிறார் அன்ஷு. 'அப்படியா? என்னதான் செய்கிறார்கள் இந்தப் பெண்கள்?' சிலர் தரையை துடைக்க வைத்திருக்கும் துணியை உபயோகிக்கிறார்கள். சிலர் மிக நைந்து போன பழைய துணியை உபயோகிக்கிறார்கள். சில சமயம் இரண்டு நாட்களுக்கு ஒரு துணி தான். அந்தத் துணியை பகிரங்கமாக தோய்க்கவோ, உலர்த்தவோ கூடாது. அதனால் சரியாக காயாத ஒரு அழுக்கு துணியை ஐந்து நாட்கள் உபயோகிக்க வேண்டும்! ஒரு வீட்டில் ஒன்றிர்கு மேற்பட்ட பெண்கள் இருந்தால், அதே துணி தான் அனைவருக்கும்! இது எப்படிப்பட்ட கொடுமை என்பது பதிவை படிக்கும் பெண்களுக்கு புரியும். இதனால் ஒரு பெண்ணுக்கு வரும் உடல் உபாதைகள், மன அழுத்தம், சுகாதாரக் கேடு போன்றவைகளைச் சொல்லவே வேண்டாம். "இப்படிபட்ட பழக்கத்தை அறிந்திருக்கும் கிராம மருத்துவர்கள் இப் பெண்கள் கர்ப்பமானால் அல்லது கர்ப்பப்பை சம்பந்தப்பட்ட பிரச்சனைகளுடன் மருத்துவரிடம் வந்தால் அவர்களைச் சரியாகவே பரிசோதிப்பதில்லை. அப்பெண்களின் சுகாதரக் கேடான பழக்க வழக்கத்தினால் பரிசோதிக்க விருப்பமில்லாமல் மேலேழுந்தவாரியாக பார்த்து விட்டு அனுப்பிவிடுகிறார்கள். இதனால் இவர்களின் உடல் நலம் மேலும் மோசமாகிறது, " என்கிறார் அன்ஷு. கிராம மருத்துவ நலத்திட்டங்கள் பல இருந்தும் அடிப்படையான இந்தத் தேவையை எவரும் கண்டு கொண்டதாக தெரியவில்லை. எனக்கு தெரிந்த வரை ஸானிடரி நாப்கின்களை பன்னாட்டு நிறுவனங்களான P&G, Hindustan Lever போன்றவைகள் தான் செய்கின்றன. இதன் விலையைப் பார்த்தால் ஒரு அத்தியாவசிய பொருளின் விலை போல இல்லை. ஒரு cosmetic பொருளின் விலை போல் தான் உள்ளது. எனக்கு தெரிந்தவரை இது சுற்றுப்புறத்திற்கும் தீங்கிழைக்கும் வகையில் தான் செய்யப்படுகிறது. அதாவது bio-degradable பொருட்களால் செய்யப்படுவதில்லை. இதற்கு பெரிய தீர்வுகள் யோசிப்பதை விட அன்ஷுவின் செயல்படுத்தக் கூடிய திட்டத்திற்கு வருவோம். பழைய பருத்தி துணிகளை அவரின் அமைப்பிற்கு நன்கொடையாக கொடுத்தால் அவற்றை உபயோகித்து குறைந்த செலவில் மறுபயனளிக்ககூடிய பருத்தி sanitary towels தயாரிக்கும் பணியை ஆரம்பித்திருக்கிறார் அன்ஷு. நேற்று அவரிடம் தொலைபேசியில் உரையாடினேன். "முதல் batch ரெடி. ஃபரிதாபாதுக்கு அனுப்பிவிட்டேன். இன்னும் கொஞ்ச நாட்களில் அங்கு சென்று பெண்களின் கருத்துக்களை கேட்டு மடலனுப்பிகிறேன்" என்று சொல்லியிருக்கிறார். வாரயிறுதியை உற்சாகமாக்கிய செய்தி. நாம் அனைவரும் அவருக்கு உதவலாம். அவர் அமைப்பை பற்றி தெரிந்து கொள்ள இங்கே சுட்டவும். போன வாரம் அவரைப் பற்றி Hindu வில் வந்த செய்தியைப் படிக்க இங்கே சுட்டவும். யாரும் யோசிக்காத பிரச்சனைகளைப் பற்றி யோசித்து அயராமல் அதற்கு தீர்வுகள் காண முயற்சிக்கும் இந்த இளைஞருக்கு ஒரு salute!

Music

When I used to go for my music classes my teacher would teach a small section of the song and then would get us to practice for 10/15 minutes. On my way home from the class this small 'bit" will keep ringing in my ears and slowly will get into my system. The pleasure of going over the nuances of this small section of the song - alone - in my head was ecstatic.

I find it difficult to play a casette and listen to one song after the other, even if they are my favorites. I want to have music in small doses and let it play in my head and enjoy that pleasure. Is this fast paced world that has made us miss these slow, intense happiness through our senses??

Travel Light

There is a strong need to travel light, and flow with life.

Like peeling the onion, if I take away education, family, relationships, job, looks, gender, ideas, opinions .....................and many other , that "I" think makes me and reach a point of nothingness and draw strength from that void - yes I can travel light

Social brownies

Movie - Rich hero marries a village girl and is not accepted by the hero's family. One day she walks through the garden or sits in front of pooja room and sings melodiously - she is instantly accepted by the family

or

heroine paints a beautiful picture or does a rangoli in front of the house and is immediately respected and accepted.

I have always wondered what if she could not sing or paint or do a rangoli? Does everyone have to have something "special" (and this special defined by someone else) to be accepted. Why cant someone just be themselves not exhibiting or demonstrating anything different ( i am refraining from using the word special) and still be respected and accepted?

One professor I know studied in Harvard and also held high profile jobs (once again high - defined by "dont know who"). She has never mentioned this to anyone except to a few of us. She is who she is as she was before I knew that she had studied in Harvard. Not for a moment I am devaluing Harvard - but these social brownies sometimes end up being the cause of discrimination and as an evolved race can we do away with discrimination in any form?

High and low, talented and not talented, rich and poor, beautiful and ordinary, special and average - aren't they relative?

Power and prerogative

What to say and what not to say it largely determined by the inherent power structure in all institutions - be it marriage, family, school, college, work place.

Sick, sick, sick ..................

Bosses can hold perceptions of employees (use the quote "perception is reality" - which in my opinion is totally wrong) and voice them, use these perceptions to destroy self esteem of their poor subordinates - BUT - an employee is not supposed to talk about his perceptions of his boss anywhere ......

Adults can say anything they want about children - but children are not supposed to say anything about adults ??????????

Wish there is a world where these power structures don't exist and freedom of expression is practiced in totality.

Live and let live

She is an awesome human being. Caring, loving, generous, sensitive and efficient. Commands respect and treats everyone fairly.

Stands in a shopping mall and says I don't want you to think I am a freak, I have a "partner". What could I do, except to give her a big hug and say she is not a freak and that she is still adorable, respectable and the nice person she is.

Why can't people live and let live and not stigmatize people for their personal preferences, be it food, clothes, color, caste, relationships ...........................

Being

A poem from the book "On becoming a Person" by Carl Rogers -

Be not like the child Oh child
For the child in its innocent curiosity - pries open the bud
And the beauty he thus wished to see - is lost forever
Let thyself unfold thyself without manipulation either by thee or others

I am not sure if I got the exact words but it makes so much sense.

We seem to live either in the past or rush ahead to meet the future ignoring the joy of every moment's beauty in the present . Isn't being more important than becoming?

Reminiscing

Salangai Oli - my all time favorite movie. So many subtle moments, so very well presented by a team of artists, amazing.

Though many would say that Kamal stole the show, Jeyapradha has given a stellar performance. The prelude and her expressions for Mounamana Neram song, her caring, pained expressions while witnessing the sufferings of Kamal and the helplessness - she is far out in this one film.

One "picture" perfect in everysense

Math, Science and others

Music with a male and female voice singing together and for a fraction of a second, total oneness with the voices and a moment of bliss in the listener, trees through which, sun casts its golden coins, shimmering on mud earth ; a blissful moment; waking up in the morning with a theory or a concept flashing with total clarity that was elluding for weeks together causing a blissful state.

Are you losing time, could it be a short term memory loss ? The entire beauty of the moment wiped out in a second.

It is always - till I experience something it does not exist.

Is there anyway a theory like reducto ad absurdum that Kasthuri wrote about help in these situations - where it exists is proved by beginning with an assumption it does not exist.

Ban

Legalizing drugs - cannabis in particular was the topic of discussion with a friend. People will overdose and create problems for society and family , suffer ill health .....

Points presented in favor of legalizing cannabis -

People hoard money through illegal means - can we ban money
People overeat and get obese - suffer ill health, families get affected - do we ban food
Drug sale is legalized in Amsterdam for personal consumption - if the above logic holds good, is everyone there a drug addict?

Anything done in excess does lead to problems and with all aspects of life there will be a section that carries things to extreme, therefore banning something is not the answer.

Ideal and real self

To accept my real self means falling short of so many things, as I aspire to become my ideal self there are so many unanswered questions - Is the ideal self for me defined by the external world, my experiences and internalizations; is it too high an expectation; or too low to satisfy my real self?

Depending on the answers to the above from my real self, my effort to become the ideal self appear futile, too easy or needless :)-

At what point do these two meet and is that what is known as integrity in terms of thought, word and deed? Kaya, Vacha, Manasa - in total harmony